In direct response to the financial fears that you, his dear public have voiced, Lord Mesmo today unveiled plans for further supporting the struggling banking industry.
‘Bank Aid’ will be a two-pronged attack that will enable to public to further support the banking industry in a number of innovative and exciting ways.
First, will be a 10-hour telethon and entertainment spectacular, hosted by Tess Daly & Bruce Forsythe with guest appearances by the cast of Holby City, the Judges of Strictly Come Dancing and featuring musical performances from Katy Perry and Girls Aloud. The show aims to raise at least £20m to subsidise Directors pay over the forthcoming 12 months and to enable bonuses and share-options to be met as normal.
This will then be followed by a local ‘Adopt-a-Bank’ scheme, where members of local communities will join a roster to provide lunches, soup and afternoon Coffee and biscuits to beleaguered banking staff, suffering from the effects of the downturn.
It’s hoped that the scheme will be extended to the insurance sector, however calls for help to schools, local hospital staff and emergency services have been rightly dismissed as preposterous and not being in the public interest.
Lord Mesmo is currently in negotiation with several US networks for a stateside version of the plan… Rumoured to involve Bono, Beyonce and Simon Cowell.
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