May I burden you with my thoughts?

Dear reader

It is not often that I burden you with my thoughts and, as you know too well, I am too modest a man to presume that you should even care to hear me through. But somehow you seem to cherish my every word so I’ll take up a few moments of your precious time if I may.

In the midst of these troubled times I’d like to thank you personally, from the bottom of my inestimable heart for the courage and pluck you have shown to keep us all on the straight and narrow. I would also like to thank you for the not insignificant contribution that you have made to the public coffers since this little unpleasantness descended upon us.

But it is this dear reader, which brings me to the crux of my communication today from Unity Plaza. I would like to take this opportunity to urge you to join in with our campaign to help a particularly suffering group of people… Poor helpless individuals left forlorn and without hope by the ravages of the economic downturn.

These poor creatures are having to get by on nothing but public money and good will since the start of the troubles and frankly my friends, the situation is becoming desperate… And it is for this reason that I would ask you to sign up for my 2009 ‘Bank AID’ appeal.

Directors have been rewarded with a measly one or two pay rises in the last year, many top executives have not been able to upgrade their cars for the 2009 models, bonuses remain unpaid and even certain expense accounts reviewed… A situation my conscience cannot let continue any further.

Having already donated many billions on your behalf from public funds, I am asking you to dig further and to join in. Have fund-raising days in your local communities, help a banks cash-flow by taking the local staff lunch, purchase one of the new ‘Bentley Bowlers’ for the front of your car or simply donate by credit card during the forthcoming telethon.

All I ask of you is to please help. Should the situation deteriorate there is a serious chance that one of our senior banking families may have to cancel a holiday or even winter in Biarritz and that, my dear, dear friends, would be just too horrible a thought to bear.

Many thanks & god bless you all.

Lord Mesmo.