EXCLUSIVE! Financial Meltdown, press responsible!

Press being herded into a Police line-up to accept responsibility


After the release of confidential documents this week conclusively proved that the world economic crisis was caused by the worlds media and not billionaire property and currency speculators in the banking industry, Lord Mesmo has acted swiftly to attempt to restore confidence in the flagging markets by banning financial bad news.

His financial spokesperson and head of the AMC's treasury division Lord St. John (pron. 'Sinjoen') Stash-Gladwrap said during an exclusive interview with 'The Fraudster', that figures had clearly shown that the world markets fell directly AFTER the worlds press had reported that the majority of the world's banks were teetering on the brink of the abyss and that their Directors had fled in Private helicopters to a secret location in Switzerland.

This to him was "Proof conclusive" if it were needed of the press' liability for the economic armageddon that followed.

He further added that in new guidelines about to be published, Lord Mesmo will close this loophole forever by making reporting bad financial news a "Crime against happiness and the people" and going on to promise that those "Evil wrongdoers and financial terrorists" in the media that had caused the cataclysm would be pursued to the utmost of the soon to be established laws.

Miss T'su is thought to be on standby with a Transit Van, a roll of duct tape and a sack to pick up the offending perpetrators.

Financial irresponsibility - Let's sort out the Evil-Doers in our midst!

Once again, dear reader, we find ourselves mulling over the ashes of another weeks bank statements and digging holes in the garden to bury Aunties silver candelabra.

It is about now - As the bailiffs carry your furniture up the garden path and the trauma sets in of seeing your family sitting on tea-crates full of goods only left because they wouldn't raise a plug nickel on e-bay - That you search for an answer to this tragedy and to look to who is to blame.

You will feel anger and while I feel your pain as surely as each of you are my children (and indeed some of you actually are) - I urge you... To go with it and hunt out the ringleaders of this farrago... Someone is to blame and there must be blood! I Lord Mesmo, am your friend to the bitter end and know this, that I will not rest until the perpetrators of this evil act of financial terrorism are bought to book!

Only this week, my trusted friend and financial adviser Sir St. John (pron. Sinjoen) Stash-Gladwrap presented me with incontrovertible evidence that pointed the finger at the ringleaders and exposed their duplicity. Yes dear reader, You are correct... It was the financial press that was to blame!

St. John's dossier clearly showed that the very day after the worlds media broke the story that the nice banking people were cowering under their desks in horror at the balance sheets, the worlds stock markets fell like a bunch of English cricketers on a sticky wicket.

Well, you can rest assured that I will not stand for such irresponsibility and say never again! It is in your best interests therefore that I will be putting new laws into motion this day banning OUTRIGHT the reporting of bad financial news. I further state, that those in the media responsible will be hunted down for their crimes against happiness and the people and will be handed over to the delectable Miss T'su for... Correction.

In the meantime, I think we all owe the banks a big sorry for suspecting them in the first place and as a mark of your gratitude I will be releasing a further 500 Billion in reserves to cover their end of year bonuses and the winter ski season.

Happy days coming soon!

With love,

Lord Mesmo.

Dictated from the AMC media blimp currently hovering over 'Party town' Zurich.