McDonalds 'Go Low'

As regular readers among you may know, I love it when a corporate shows their cuddly public service side and shows how they can be of help to the community. Well, dear reader, that time is upon us again and once again, it's those lovely people at the cultural melting pot of McDonalds who have thrust their hat into the ring.

Yes, they really seem to be serving up the goods under the golden arches just now, and their advertising Johnnies must be popping brain cells on overtime to come up with these delights.

Not content with the Nuggets Groove (see earlier entry), they have now come up with the Happy Meal Cha Cha.

In this carefully thought out gem, the peoples burger chain show their community service skills by helping this sadly middle class family re-discover their 'blackness'... WHY THANK YOU BIG MAC! Thanks to the power of the Cha Cha slide & a sidewards baseball cap, even 'Obamacised' black American families can get back to doing what McDonalds think they do best... Movin', Groovin' & listening to giant 'Old Skool HiFi'.

McDonalds, I take my hat so far off to you that I nearly throw it on the coat-peg across my sizeable marble-clad boardroom at the Unity Plaza offices. This is what corporates get their reputation for, truly showing that they are... If you'll excuse my drop into street parlance... 'Down' with their customers.

Say cheese... Extra cheese and as they say in this ad... "HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?"



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A smiling child gives the world hope... A message directly from Lord Mesmo.

In these days of merciless commercial exploitation and crass advertising, how lovely to see an advert that simply features the joy of a smiling child. A sincere, non-rehearsed, spontaneous, outpouring of love with absolutely no hint of being a blatant attempt to cash in on cuteness.

Of course, the other thing that is ad does is prove, once and for all, is the manual dexterity of a four and a half year-old. This is something that we at AMC have been keen to nurture through our overseas development centres and 'family trade' units. Masterminded by my old friend, the Count Oberon de la Greize.

'Old Greasy' as we call him has been our Minister for Children & Child Development for many years and has ensured that many hundreds of children have become valuable money-earning members of their families by helping contribute to the manufacture of products such as our Behemoth servers.

Some people had doubted whether the products we produced would be of a good enough quality because of the age of the staff, well no more... I only need show them this advert to prove their un-coaxed and genuine abilities with fiddly electronic operations.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. Sit back and enjoy this shameless piece of happiness and consumer marketing for what it really is.



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Great News! The World Just Got Safer!

In answer to your continued urging for a safer society, Lord Mesmo this week announced the latest vital weapon in the 'War against enemies of the people and happiness' by unveiling a massive new travel observation centre in Wythenshawe, near Manchester, England.

The centre, staffed with 300 Police and Immigration Officers will hold the travel records of every one of the 60 million inhabitants of Britain, as well as monitoring their credit card use and phone traffic while abroad.

Getrude Creep, Head of the AMC's 'Comfort & Safety' division gushed with enthusiasm for the project, which will build a complete profile of every person in the UK, storing information for over 10 years "Just in case they get up to anything naughty".

"It's a fantastic piece of equipment" she went on to explain "Which can detect, at the push of a button, excessive or irrational duty free purchasing for products such as Britney Spears new fragrance, people on a diet buying Giant Toblerone or even match text records of New Years resolutions against bulk pack cigarette purchases" before adding with a smile "This system will provide the AMC with saleable marketing data for generations to come".

It is not thought that the system will be able to detect terrorist activity but will at least be able to clarify if they had bought a gift pack of Brut 33 at any time before carrying out their dastardly act.

Lt. Augustine Bung, Head of Lord Mesmo's Secret Service denied that he existed and so was unavailable for comment.

Lord Mesmo announces 'Angel of the South' winner!

The Arts world let slip a little squeal of delight this week when Lord Mesmo announced the winner of the hotly contested competition to erect a giant statue at Ebbsfleet, which would 'welcome' EuroStar visitors to Britain.

The winner of the project dubbed 'The Angel of the South' had been kept a closely guarded secret, media experts having controversial artists Albert Mockney and Sophie Ellis-Guttersnipe neck and neck going into the announcement by our Lord and mentor.

Lord Mesmo said at the official unveiling "We wanted something that would really sum up the spirit of what coming to Britain was like, something that would inspire our visitors and extend to them the hand of welcome from all the British people."

Pulling back the curtains on the scale model of the winner, Mr Mockney's 50ft high CCTV Camera, Lord Mesmo added "In this, I think we have found the true spirit of Britain and, I would venture to add, a little taster of things to come".

Miss Guttersnipe was said to be devastated that her 50ft high 'Rolled copy of the Daily Mail hitting an immigrant' hadn't won, but was delighted at least to have made the final selection.

Fleur Largesse, Chairperson of the AMC arts fund was unavailable for comment as she was sobbing with joy at the feet of Mr Mockney.

Thank You! Mesmo

Friends of Lord Mesmo have taken to the streets with wallpaper adhesive and a message of support for our beloved leader!

World watches worried while Iran launch evil satellite

The world watched on horrified this week as Iran launched the first of what will probably be many evil satellites into space. The so-called 'communications device', which differs markedly from those launched by MesmoCorp in that it was carried out in flagrant breach of copyright, will - According to most experts - "Undoubtedly be used for evil".

This launch adds to the growing list of concerns about technological advances in the region, along with developments in medicine, education and Society, all of which again - According to our experts - Will "Undoubtedly be used for evil".

Professor Walter Panzer of the AMC Weapons & Family Sciences division said "This is of great concern for us. Any launch by Iran must automatically be assumed to be intended for evil, whereas all our satellite launches at Unity Plaza are solely for the purpose of painting smiley faces on the moon and bringing happiness to children."

Lord Mesmo is believed to be monitoring the situation via the AMC's 'Big Ear' DeathStar, currently orbiting the earth.

Financial irresponsibility - Let's sort out the Evil-Doers in our midst!

Once again, dear reader, we find ourselves mulling over the ashes of another weeks bank statements and digging holes in the garden to bury Aunties silver candelabra.

It is about now - As the bailiffs carry your furniture up the garden path and the trauma sets in of seeing your family sitting on tea-crates full of goods only left because they wouldn't raise a plug nickel on e-bay - That you search for an answer to this tragedy and to look to who is to blame.

You will feel anger and while I feel your pain as surely as each of you are my children (and indeed some of you actually are) - I urge you... To go with it and hunt out the ringleaders of this farrago... Someone is to blame and there must be blood! I Lord Mesmo, am your friend to the bitter end and know this, that I will not rest until the perpetrators of this evil act of financial terrorism are bought to book!

Only this week, my trusted friend and financial adviser Sir St. John (pron. Sinjoen) Stash-Gladwrap presented me with incontrovertible evidence that pointed the finger at the ringleaders and exposed their duplicity. Yes dear reader, You are correct... It was the financial press that was to blame!

St. John's dossier clearly showed that the very day after the worlds media broke the story that the nice banking people were cowering under their desks in horror at the balance sheets, the worlds stock markets fell like a bunch of English cricketers on a sticky wicket.

Well, you can rest assured that I will not stand for such irresponsibility and say never again! It is in your best interests therefore that I will be putting new laws into motion this day banning OUTRIGHT the reporting of bad financial news. I further state, that those in the media responsible will be hunted down for their crimes against happiness and the people and will be handed over to the delectable Miss T'su for... Correction.

In the meantime, I think we all owe the banks a big sorry for suspecting them in the first place and as a mark of your gratitude I will be releasing a further 500 Billion in reserves to cover their end of year bonuses and the winter ski season.

Happy days coming soon!

With love,

Lord Mesmo.

Dictated from the AMC media blimp currently hovering over 'Party town' Zurich.

Thank You! Mesmo

We understand that the friends of Lord Mesmo have launched a campaign to raise support for our beloved leader in these difficult times.

From his lofty News blimp over Europe, Lord Mesmo would like to publicly thank them for their sincerity and for their love.

“In these difficult days it is reassuring to know that I have the love and admiration of so many people”, he told our reporter, adding, “Feedback like this is such a wonderful thing and very touching… After all, one of my goals is to touch as many people out there as I can.”

Lord Mesmo however is a man of the people and never one to hog the glory as he modestly shared the praise with his staff at the AMC “My people are working tirelessly for YOUR future and while this temporary blip has seen the collapse of all forms of employment, industry and the housing market, their efforts can never be faulted.”

Lord Mesmo and Miss T’su are currently carrying out staff reviews in a sub-basement of Unity Plaza.

Lord Mesmo declares AMC ‘Behemoth’ Server “Greenest yet

In the wake of startling allegations of the amount of CO2 released by even the simplest Google search, Lord Mesmo has today praised the operating performance of his Behemoth range of servers & called on the industry to follow the ever-strident lead of his teams of scientists.

Speaking by telex from ‘Unity Plaza’, our noble leader pointed to the colossal pieces of hardware developed by Prof. Walter Panzer of the AMC ‘Weapons & Family Sciences Division’ as being green on two counts… Firstly, that they clear huge areas of messy trees in order fire the power station to build them and secondly, that each server produces enough heat to power a city the size of Buenos Aires (thankfully, Buenos Aires is already warm enough).

Prof. Panzer, who studied in a secret location in Berlin during his youth and later honed his skills and tan in Argentina, was delighted his department had been singled out by the illustrious one for praise – “We don’t get much contact with Lord Mesmo down here in the underground bunker”, he burbled delightedly.

AMC behemoth servers are currently in mass production and are widely used throughout the business world. Their emissions are offset by the generous donation of unpaid working hours by the young Philippine & Indonesian factory staff.