Later, in 'The Fraudster' EXCLUSIVE!

EXCLUSIVE! In the 'Entertainment' Section of The Fraudster, read Eugenia Muesli-Yoga's round-up of London Fashion week! All the drama, all the stories from backstage at the shows.

DON'T MISS IT... ONLY AT ASTRO-MAN.COM

All the news from the London Fashion Week - THIS WEEK in 'The Fraudster'.

Who wore what, who sat where, who slighted who, all this week your scintillating 'Fraudster' will be running thousands of lines of coverage and analysing, re-analysing and going deep, deep into the stories behind the stories at the glitziest fashion week in London this week.

Our teams of reporters, staying at the swankiest hotels in London, will be dancing the night away with the stars to bring you the best London Fashion Week stories.

Fashion correspondent Eugenia Museli-Yoga will be in the front row to lay down the new fashion rules, while Polly Important will be on the red carpet to bring you the drama as it unfolds. Cornelia Gushing our Celebrity Fashion correspondent, completes the 'team on the scene' and gives you the low-down on the hits and misses of what the stars were (or weren't) wearing.

Guest Freeloader rounds up the best of the party action while Pommegranate Chelsea and her constant companion Jemima Cheyne-Walk will be getting shitfaced all week to bring you exclusives from behind the red rope of the VIP area.

It's all for you, all this week at 'The Fraudster', the paper that's easily distracted. Read it now at

www.astro-man.com

Entertainment latest from Pomegranate Chelsea, our 'Girl on the Scene'.

Pomegranate Chelsea, daughter of 70's punk icon Sid Chelsea and Model Tarara Chippendale-Bollinger has been dispatched to the Oscars with her best friend and intrepid co-writer, Jemima Cheyne-Walk. Read their outrageous goings-on every week in 'The Fraudster'.

Pomegranate or 'Pomsea' as her friends call her sent us a deliriously excited email from her Blackberry...

"We're so excited to be out here! It's the most excited we've been since a couple of days ago at the Brits and then since a couple of days before that at New York Fashion week, or a couple of days before that at the Emmy's or a couple of days before that at the Grammy's - But we're really excited anyway and we've been working hard on getting stories for you. Well, maybe not actually doing anything like working because we've been too busy blagging designer dresses and getting shitfaced but that's why we're here. All our mates are out here too, the same as they are for everything we go to but then they're fabulous stars and the children of fabulous stars and should be here, while sadly you're not. They all look glam and wonderful on the red carpets while you wouldn't, so they're actually doing you a great service and it's why they're so special and why you love us and adore us even more. Anyway, we're off - Toby Junkie is having a party, so we're off to look good at that. Then we're straight back in First Class for London Fashion Week. You can read all about it later. Laters!

The Illiterate and Fraudster, only at

www.astro-man.com

Brit awards hailed as 'Best yet'

As the dust settles on this years Brit awards, the annual 'romp' for the British music industry has been hailed as the 'Best Brits yet' by industry insiders.

As crowds waited to cheer a succession of soap stars and tabloid celebrities arriving for the free buffet and cocaine give-away, they were amazed to see several musicians and singers turn up.

Music correspondent Buster Bumpengrind said that this was a major factor in making this years Brits so different from previous years, explaining "Having musicians at a music event is a pretty radical step for the Brits",adding "After all, this is a highly prestigious event with resonance as far away as Jersey and the Isle of Man".

With gongs on offer for dozens of categories it was Duffy, from the soul music heartland of Bangor that grabbed the headlines, however it was the people that were the real winners as always, as they voted in their thousands to finally give Girls Aloud the recognition they richly deserve.

A source close to the girls confided in Buster later that evening at their recession-busting party at Claridges, saying that they felt it was only right that their talent had finally been rewarded, especially as they had contributed creatively to several of their songs along the way.

Lord Mesmo was unable to attend the Brits but had sent his driver Private 'Inky' Needles to help out with the after-show 'refreshments'.

All the news from the Oscars - THIS WEEK in 'The Fraudster'.

Who won what, who wore what, who slighted who, all this week your scintillating 'Fraudster' will be running thousands of lines of coverage and analysing, re-analysing and going deep, deep into the stories behind the stories at the glitziest event in the Universe this weekend.

Our teams of reporters, staying at the swankiest hotels in LA, will be dancing the night away with the stars to bring you the best Oscars stories.

From Polly Important who will be on the red carpet to bring you the drama as it unfolds to Cornelia Gushing our Celebrity Fashion correspondent, giving you the low-down on the hits and misses of what the stars were (or weren't) wearing.

Guest Freeloader rounds up the best of the party action while Pomegranate ChelseA and her constant companion Jemima Cheyne-Walk will be getting shitfaced all week to bring you exclusives from behind the red rope of the VIP area.

It's all for you, all this week at 'The Fraudster', the paper that's easily distracted. Read it now at

www.astro-man.com

Lord Mesmo announces 'Angel of the South' winner!

The Arts world let slip a little squeal of delight this week when Lord Mesmo announced the winner of the hotly contested competition to erect a giant statue at Ebbsfleet, which would 'welcome' EuroStar visitors to Britain.

The winner of the project dubbed 'The Angel of the South' had been kept a closely guarded secret, media experts having controversial artists Albert Mockney and Sophie Ellis-Guttersnipe neck and neck going into the announcement by our Lord and mentor.

Lord Mesmo said at the official unveiling "We wanted something that would really sum up the spirit of what coming to Britain was like, something that would inspire our visitors and extend to them the hand of welcome from all the British people."

Pulling back the curtains on the scale model of the winner, Mr Mockney's 50ft high CCTV Camera, Lord Mesmo added "In this, I think we have found the true spirit of Britain and, I would venture to add, a little taster of things to come".

Miss Guttersnipe was said to be devastated that her 50ft high 'Rolled copy of the Daily Mail hitting an immigrant' hadn't won, but was delighted at least to have made the final selection.

Fleur Largesse, Chairperson of the AMC arts fund was unavailable for comment as she was sobbing with joy at the feet of Mr Mockney.

Lord Mesmo declares National Day of Girls Aloud!

Girls Aloud continue - Lord Mesmo declares national celebration!

Lord Mesmo today declared that next years Trafalgar Day will be renamed as 'Cheryl day' in recognition of the decision by Girls Aloud to make three more studio albums.

The collections of songs written by other people based on other songs written by other people and containing samples from songs recorded by other people, will be recorded by the talent-show winning girl group over a period of days in a top-secret studio.

The sincere and popular fivesome will then back up the release of each volume with National tours, TV specials, adverts for budget supermarkets, TV specials, photo shoots for Grazia, TV specials, dramatic true-life drama's, TV specials and TV specials.

Lord Mesmo is beside himself with joy, while Miss T'su is said to be buying a noise reduction i-pod and has destroyed her TV set.

Springsteen has cake, eats it & gets extra helping… Lord Mesmo applauds!

Bruce Springsteen was lauded by Lord Mesmo this week as ‘Most likely to be on the top of my Mesmo-gala list’, after an audacious double-bluff switcheroo.

In a classic piece of magicians misdirection, the ‘People’s rocker’ first sold the exclusive rights to his new ‘Greatest Hits’ album to renowned equal-opportunities and union-friendly employer Wal-Mart, before currying favour with his loyal masses by rounding on ticket touts who try to 'exploit' them.

During his review of the week, Lord Mesmo said, “My dear boy, I stand and applaud you before you’ve even sung a note”, adding “Even I wouldn’t have had the audacity to try a feat as devious as this… It’s simply marvellous”.

Lord Mesmo has since offered Mr Springsteen a place on the board of ‘Group Hug’, his London and Los Angeles based PR and good news division.

Inauguration Special! Obama Presidency a new era… Fashionista’s not so sure.

Barack Obama may have won the US election with a landslide but there’s one block of voters who may prove a stubborn obstacle to his sweeping reforms and social care programs.

Fashion experts across the globe are only extending a cautious welcome to the Obama’s and the new leader of the free world may need to devote many hours or even open a consultation role in his new government to key magazine columnists if he’s to win the battle of the Whitehouse wardrobe.

After Michelle Obama’s inauguration outfit drew gasps and stinging reproach from several fashion editors of the top glossies, there was concern among Oval Office advisors that health reforms may need to take a back seat to the important area of fashion PR.

One insider said confidentially “Never mind closing Guantanamo or solving the financial downturn, we have to nip this fashion criticism in the bud or there might not be a second term… These magazines can be vicious.”

Lord Mesmo was unavailable for comment as he and Miss T’su were in an urgent meeting with Grazia.

Lord Mesmo’s EU installation has members in an air’Fix’.

An art piece commissioned by Lord Mesmo to celebrate European unity and the Czech Presidency of the EU was unveiled today at the European headquarters of the AMC.

The art installation, resembling a giant model kit and by controversial artist Alf Mockney (of Shoreditch & Belgravia) caused heated debate as it depicted the members of the EU getting on with each other in a harmonious way and working toward the common good of all people.

Following complaints from the foreign ministers of all the major EU members, the piece was temporarily removed and Lord Mesmo’s office apologised immediately for what was such an obvious & terrible mistake.

A spokesperson said later “Mr Mockney was entrusted with a sacred commission and betrayed that trust by replacing his original sketches and concepts of flagrant distrust and petty back-biting with this disgusting piece of saccharine clap-trap”, he further added however that in this approach alone he had shown himself worthy of a seat at the EU.

The British minister was unavailable for comment, as he has no idea where the EU building is.

Leader of the Free World arrives in Washington.

The world watched in hushed tones as a man who speaks for an entire continent strode to the stage in Washington on Sunday to address a raptured audience of thousands and a TV audience of millions.

In his usual self-effacing manner, the man of the moment gave praise to the people who had made it possible and thanked them, for helping him take his rightful place in history. Then, having wowed the crowd, he stepped aside to let his people acknowledge the President elect.

Mr Obama said that he was really honoured to have met Bono. Lord Mesmo is still in the queue.