Summer of Unity - Fun for everyone!

Following is a full transcript of Lord Mesmo's announcement of the details for the 'Summer of Unity', as read by Bertram Twist - Minister for Populist Ideas, at yesterdays sell-out Unity Plaza press conference.


Dear All

There come several points in the long life of a Press Baron, Humanitarian, Father of the People and Humble Servant of the Masses that bring him true pleasure. One was of course the founding of the AMC way back in those heady days of the Falklands in 1982, another was my declaration of World Harmony in 2001. There have been several with Miss T'su but maybe this isn't the time or place.

Anyway, this dear friends is just one of those moments. A date that defines who were are and all that we stand for as we strive to build a better world that all our children might sleep safely in their beds. A world of happiness, joy and National Unity.

There are many out there who fear for our sweet world, but not I. I know only how wonderful and lovely all you loving friends can be to each other - And when Commodore Fotheringay H. Bung of the Secret Service, or 'Bungers of Whitehall' as I playfully call him, came to see me a few short weeks ago he was in a state of positive agitation.

"The people will be rioting in the streets" he said, "Unemployment will create dissent and disorder" he cried, "Mayhem and protest on an unheard of scale" he sobbed. Well, my happy people, I turned to dear 'Bungers' and I placed a loving friend's hand on his heaving shoulder and I offered him a crumb of comfort.

Dear friends,do you know what I said to him? Of course not,silly me, as we were in the high security wing of Unity Plaza at the time but I shall tell you, my eager, rapt followers. I said to him, "Bungers my dear, I know these people. They are my children, my family, my flesh and blood. These are not oiks, urchins and n'er-do-well riff-raff... Mere troublemongers or bolsheviks... These are the life-blood of this fair country. The sons of honest toil and daughters of sweet innocence".

"No", I said to him, "We do not need to fear this summer - Despite the hardship, the unemployment, the soaring taxes, the lack of food in the shops or the spiraling house repossessions - These people trust us, they believe in us and what they need is a jolly good knees up and a bit of sing-song to get morale back again".

He looked slightly nonplussed and started to gesticulate wildly, pointing to graphs, maps, charts and copies of 'Mesmobook' conversations printed out in stark black & white. I stopped him with a considerate but firmly raised palm and a gentle shake of my head as I settled back into my honest and humble leather chair.

"Trust in the people", I said "They will know the right thing to do".

And so, here we are dear friends. After three weeks of frenzied planning and many, many late nights of Myself and Miss T'su thrashing through details we humbly present to you... YOUR Summer of Unity.

A three month celebration of everything good and glorious in or beloved land and a chance to gird ourselves for the difficult tasks ahead. To joyfully participate in the preparation of the country's defences against evil and to work hand-in-hand to provide a better, safer, happier world of National Unity for our children.

Details will be published in the press of individual events, however I can give you a little taster of the fun to come.

We kick off the hi-jinks with a smashing free concert, here at Unity Plaza. Thousands of you will throng to hear the latest 80's inspired pop sounds and the wistful harmonic meanderings of Furry Grizzly Fleet Animal Banana Foxy Panda Bear Collective.

Then, it's three months of fun community activities and street parties - Including.

• Family CCTV installations or 'Help-Cam-Raising's' as we call them, where you and your family can sponsor and erect a CCTV camera near your home linked to our National Unity monitoring centre.
• Help a Bobby Catch a Terrorist week, where playful children can run up and down the streets 'tagging' people the family suspect of terrorism or beastliness.
• Ring-a Ring-O' Barbed Wire games, where secure fences and nice safe rolls of barbed wire can be placed around the houses of very important people and selfless, hard-working AMC employees.
• Secure the Neighbourhood Day, where we place a community helper on each street corner to check and make sure that everyone is safe and has the right i.d. papers (oh, what fun we'll have with any hilarious mix-up's).
• Staring at Strangers competitions - Where we sponsor the little ones to stare at strangers in the community until they go away or crumble in their wickedness.
... And finally, a country-wide 'Search for Unity' celebrity TV talent show.

All this culminates with Wicker Man burnings and firework parties up and down the whole country.

My dear, dear friends... What rosy-cheeked fun we'll have this summer with all these activities to keep us busy. Why, with all this to do, who'll have time to think of being grumpy or an enemy of happiness eh? Not that any of you were thinking of that anyway... Dear old Bungers, he's such a 'Worry-Wendy'.

Here's to the summer fun and YOUR Summer of Unity.

Until then, toodle pip!

A little catch up

Dear All

How lovely it is to be back with you after an exhausting week on the News Blimp, monitoring the financial situation, the growing security crisis, planning the 'Summer of Unity' and trying to keep up with the endless 80's revival pop-reunions. However, as I sat by the fire in Unity Plaza last night - Sipping a fine Brandy and hearing the distant wafting sounds of Miss T'su listening to her whip-crack relaxation tapes in the Zen suite - I got to thinking that not only hadn't I spoken to you, the dear sweet loving public in a while but also that I had some lovely news to tell you.

So, gather round, and I'll run through a few events of my tempestuous week in a little Mesmo Memento.

Firstly, I would like to thank Gertrude Creep, Head of Comfort & Safety for her continued vigilance. I know of no other member of the AMC who works so tirelessly to tackle the difficult security issues we face. Of course, I do personally, think the poor woman needs to stop staring at the CCTV images of her back garden for a little while as muttering "They're coming, they're coming" repeatedly under your breath while quaffing jugs of black coffee and rocking backwards and forwards in your chair can be slightly unsettling for the staff but you can't fault her commitment.

You will glad to know that I have personally sent round a case of AMC 'Cucumber cathode cure-all eye soother', so that she might ease out those dark circles from under her eyes. From your letters I could tell that some of you were concerned that she had moved in with pulsating pop punch-bag Rihanna, but I can assure you that it was the net result of 120 hours straight watching the old goggle-box and monitoring Mesmobook for evil baddies in our midst.

In the news, I was touched to see the Obama's 'digging for victory' by turning an area of the White House lawn into a market garden and never one's to miss out on a wizard wheeze, we here at Unity Plaza have taken up the 'grow your own' cudgel with vehemence and have so far turned three inner city play areas into gardens growing herbs and rocket for the AMC staff canteen. In fact, as we speak, the quality of the produce has been so highly commended that we are opening up a wholesale division to supply the upmarket restaurants of Marylebone and Park Avenue. Profits will of course immediately be put to good use and will be added to the burgeoning 'Bank Aid' pot.

Gordon and Alistair have also decided to turn their hands to the soil. I understand from Simeon Leak, the No.10 press secretary that they are planting something a little more in line with their character... At last report they were aiming for complete Lemons and a pair of Prize Plums but I've yet to have that confirmed.

It was also refreshing to see that 'Inky Needles', my ex Batman and occasional late-night limousine driver has been putting himself to good community use by reversing the current sad trend in job losses. 'Fumbles' his chain of Gentlemen's establishments has been overrun recently with applicants for jobs in the 'lounge' area. It seems as well that the quality of applicant has been greatly improved by the current credit crisis and at last count included the daughters of several Company Directors, Society Hostesses and a smattering of ex dot-com millionaires.

Far from being unsuited to the job, it seems that endless pole-dance keep-fit lessons have provided him with a plethora of pre-trained talent and that the successful applicants will require no more than an afternoons 'on the job' training from Mr Needles himself. How it just goes to prove that all those endless Pussycat Dolls pop videos proved a positive influence for the employment credentials of a generation.

Anyway - Back to the good news I promised you... After all, I wouldn't be your dear friend and protector if I didn't leave you with a few good tidings to keep you warm and safe in your beds of an evening.

You'll be delighted to hear that after battering a few unwashed oiks around the ear and sending the ardent Miss Von Frau round to a few management companies, we've finally concluded the line-up for our 'Summer of Unity' concert and plans for the 'Summer of Unity' festival of fun. I shall be announcing the full details on Monday and detailing all the forthcoming bumper family entertainment but in the meantime, you can see following a little peek at the lovely poster designed by 'Severe Fringe' of Hoxton. Copies of this and other promotional material will of course be made available for you school, workplace or office.

One last piece of good news which is guaranteed to be good news, is that I've finally concluded the plan for 'Financial Good News' with Sir St. John Stash-Gladwrap and again, full details will be announced on Monday with a preview available through at least one newspaper over the weekend courtesy of Simeon Leak, the No.10 press secretary.

So, take a look back here on at The Fraudster on Monday to find out all the latest! In the meantime, take very good care of yourselves and keep clear of Gertrude's secure environment.

GorSumm

Breaking News!

Dear all

Just had to let you know that after much haggling and a not insignificant amount of 'persuasion' from Miss T'su, we have finally confirmed our headliners for the 'Summer of Unity' concert at Unity Plaza.

Full details will be announced in due course by some blithering media Johnny but in the meantime, I am delighted to confirm that as rumoured, Fuzzy Panda Animal Fleet Grizzly Foxy Banana Bear Collective... Or is that Bear Panda Grizzly Fleet Banana Foxy Foxes Collective? Fleet Panda Oh... Anyway, they're playing.

More bands to be announced along with wonderful entertainment's, fun and all-round happiness. What a splendid day we'll have!

And to think, some misery mongers out there like 'Fothers' Bung of the Intelligence Service warned that this would be a Summer of Unrest... Poppycock... We'll all be too busy humming along to Panda Foxy Grizzly Animal's hypnotising harmonics as they bang on for hour after hour... Well, maybe not me, unfortunately I might have something to do that day, so I might be a bit late, BUT YOU ENJOY!

TOODLE PIP! & more info soon!