Good to see in 'The Frauster' this week that Guest Freeloader is justifying her exorbitant expenses claims with a smashing report from the Oscars on my pal Madge.
Putting the curlers and hair-net to one side for the evening, the ex- Mrs Ritchie managed to 'scrub-up' OK, courtesy of several millions of dollars-worth of blagged diamonds. Fantastic! That girl has more gumption than Ronnie Biggs when it comes to sparklers and it was lovely to see her swathed from head to foot in Africa's finest - All in the name of... errr, Madge.
I took a heated call from my Diamond mine foreman Clerk Van Der Stormtrooper or 'The Big Stick' as my workers call him, saying that the chaps in the mines could barely contain themselves as piccies of the dear old material girl flashed out around the world. Nearly had another situation on our hands... But then again, that wouldn't be unusual, the bloody mineworkers are always kicking off about working conditions, getting paid, half of them getting crushed under millions of tons of rock or seeing daylight once a month... or something equally petty.
Still, it's small price to pay (literally) for getting the stones out of the Continent to see them draped over someone like Madonna... It makes all the misery worthwhile. Anyway, where was that phone, I must call the army and get them over to the pit-head.
Toodle-pip!
pic. Madonna and delighted diamond mine workers.
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